My 24th Birthday was on Decmber 17th I had celebrated with my family and then with my extended familys samantha rae and shawny who celebrated a birthday also, but that Monday December 19th I was due to go in and get induced, as the baby was way late and kinda just sitting there not ready to make his way into our world yet...It was a week of hell, contractions , gel, strings nothing was working sadly, just brought on more and more pain, sleeping in a terrible hospital bed that nobody could be comfortable in.
I had been in the hospital for that whole week, Josh was due here on December 23, 2011, It was snowing, we were so scared that Joshs's flight would get cancelled and I was also upset because I thought we would have had our baby boy by now, and he wouldn't be visiting us in the hospital...His flight did get delayed instead of showing up early evening he was delayed till much later that night....I had finally gotten the go ahead I was being moved down to the labour an delivery room.... Josh wasnt here yet and I was panicking, I'm not ready I am tired, I want to go home....
Josh and Dad finally showed up after several hours of delaying the drip and having our baby, I walked around and told Josh everything I was feeling, he calmed me down and said you have come this far! and then we are here in a scary cold room where eventually the next day hopefully I would go into labour and eventually deliver a beautiful baby boy.
It was 1 am on December 24,2011 when I had an i.v. in my arm and a drip starting to put me into labour...Now just to note I had stated very clearly I did not want the epidural at all I was very afraid of it. They gave me oxytocin and pain killers in which I have to say worked quite well, but it was not enough to keep me calm and lessen the pain since all of the contractions were in my side and back. We decided on the epidural after all and thank god we did.
I remember nothing after the general pain killers, but Josh and my mother do lol.
Apparently The doctor came in to give me the epidural and i sat there and took it there was a whole bunch of stuff in between but thats not really important just funny, but I didnt even flinch they said surprisingly. Within the next few hrs I was layed down in bed and in and out of sleep with many contractions with Josh and my Mama by my side, Josh holding my hand every step of the way, even through sleep.
*6 :30 AM The nurse came into check me she said i was ready but she would let me sleep for a little bit more to get some more rest and I would know when I needed to push little did she know the drugs were working a little too well lol.
*8:30 am It's time to push Renee they all say to me, and I say back NO WAY IM STILL SLEEPING! , but within ten seconds i felt it i felt that initial moment where you realize someone is ready its their time now! Abel was ready!!!
*9:48 am December 24th, 2011 (Christmas Eve Morning) Our beautiful baby boy was born!
Josh and I got to meet our son for the very first time. My mother got to meet her grandson for the very first time. Phone calls and tears were shared I ended up having to go to the O.R. as there were some complications but those are a little more personal and I don't really like to talk about them. After I returned to the room where I had just delivered my beautiful baby boy, so here everyone was my daddy my mommy, the father of my child, and his godparents Samantha rae and Shawn! they wern't allowed to stay in that room as I was getting moved to our permanent room for the rest of the day.
Josh's family was due to show up that day as we were going to be spending the holidays together as a family. Luke his mom and dad! Everybody was showing up to meet our new little addition all the same day.!
A family we were with a little Christmas Miracle named Abel Michael Decker*
2012/05/31
*Prince and Princess the Fairytale of all fairytales...
....It is so hard so confusing we both want to be together secretly in our heads but I cannot admit as I have every thought racing through my brain as the next few weeks pass, I will be a mama soon, will he be a father figure, will he be a friend, will he be scared and walk away? would it be better to just be amazing friends again even though i would be risking losing him forever as a friend?..so many questions so many risks....
It is November now and we cannot stay away from each other any longer we have been talking on skype every single night since he had left and txting every single day, after a very hard day of me breaking down and crying and the internet breaking, he tells me he is coming back in 2 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOODNESS! I cant believe it the moment of truth can we make this work we decided yes but seriously he hadn't been here it was easy and so happy through skype.
The day is here and I honestly cannot wait to have his arms around me, for him to kiss me again!
There he was standing in the doorway of the nursery where I spent a good amount of my time when I was thinking, looking perfect as he always has. Looking like my future, a husband and a father. ( don't worry we had been discussing it for weeks ). He smiled at me and at that very moment when he put his arms around me we both knew this was it, Our lives are changed forever and we are binded together.
He continued to live in Newfoundland as he had spoke with his boss and could not get a transfer to move up here until March of 2012, but planned on visiting as much as he could but the next time we would meet face to face not through skype or txt little did we know what would happen on December 23, 2011....
*A few more months to go...
...and the most amazing thing happened...
I spent the rest of the summer enjoying visits with friends and family reconnecting with some very old friends via fb and txt, then sept came and we found out that my grandfather had had a heart attack, it was very hard and stressful time waiting phone calls to find out what new news was, seeing if it would be ok, scary hard times...
My mother and I decided to go home to Newfoundland after my grandfather got out of the hospital and help him and my grandmother out, we scheduled our flight for Oct for 1 week. My doctor said I would be ok to fly as long as I kept it easy at home not too much activity for me and the Abel.
I went home having made plans to see several friends and family members, one person in particular, but it had been a very hard week and very busy that when it was downtime it was rest time, no visits.
My grandfather is doing great and is so strong, I am so proud to call him my grandpa. It was our final day in Newfoundland, visits were necessity to see the people I very much wanted to see if only for a moment. My friend Sammy came and picked me up and drove me in to Conception Bay South, to visit with my best friend when I was in Junior High School, back then the crush of all crushes the boy who i couldn't ever date because we were amazing friends hanging out after school together going to music lessons together the works of it.
His name Joshua Best!! <3
I hadn't seen him in over a yr, I was nervous and anxious as I had the same butterflies return to me after all those years of seeing him everyday in school and out. I wasnt sure of what he would think if my very pregnant belly at this point, even though we had been talking for several months via txt and facebook it is always a different story in person.
He came out of his house, that amazing old white house were we shared so many childhood memories, down over the stairs to the passenger side of the car where i got out and here it was the moment the moment when i realized how much I had missed this friend. He hugged me as he always did except with Abel in between us now but just as closley and hard as he always had. We then proceeded to go into the house where we sat and talked for about a half hour as that was all the time we had. He was going out I had to get back to my aunts to finish packing and leave for home. We said out goodbyes except this time he said I will come visit you very very soon!
I didn't believe him not for a second, but after a few weeks it was the end of October and that boy showed up off a plane in front of me at arrivals in the airport, my very best friend kept his promise. He stayed for a week, an amazing week where he met my amazing extended family Sam, Shawn, Emilio & Z. Feelings came out two nights before he was due to leave and go home, he kissed me for the very first time! I cant say it wasnt scary, common I was 7 months pregnant and trying to figure out how to raise a baby!! I was not thinking about a relationship, love anything as I had already been there and been hurt one too many times. I needed time to think so the next day was sad but just as we had always been friends. no pressure. Then he left to head back to Newfoundland, with unanswered questions and confusing feelings here we were having to make some very hard decisions.....
I spent the rest of the summer enjoying visits with friends and family reconnecting with some very old friends via fb and txt, then sept came and we found out that my grandfather had had a heart attack, it was very hard and stressful time waiting phone calls to find out what new news was, seeing if it would be ok, scary hard times...
My mother and I decided to go home to Newfoundland after my grandfather got out of the hospital and help him and my grandmother out, we scheduled our flight for Oct for 1 week. My doctor said I would be ok to fly as long as I kept it easy at home not too much activity for me and the Abel.
I went home having made plans to see several friends and family members, one person in particular, but it had been a very hard week and very busy that when it was downtime it was rest time, no visits.
My grandfather is doing great and is so strong, I am so proud to call him my grandpa. It was our final day in Newfoundland, visits were necessity to see the people I very much wanted to see if only for a moment. My friend Sammy came and picked me up and drove me in to Conception Bay South, to visit with my best friend when I was in Junior High School, back then the crush of all crushes the boy who i couldn't ever date because we were amazing friends hanging out after school together going to music lessons together the works of it.
His name Joshua Best!! <3
I hadn't seen him in over a yr, I was nervous and anxious as I had the same butterflies return to me after all those years of seeing him everyday in school and out. I wasnt sure of what he would think if my very pregnant belly at this point, even though we had been talking for several months via txt and facebook it is always a different story in person.
He came out of his house, that amazing old white house were we shared so many childhood memories, down over the stairs to the passenger side of the car where i got out and here it was the moment the moment when i realized how much I had missed this friend. He hugged me as he always did except with Abel in between us now but just as closley and hard as he always had. We then proceeded to go into the house where we sat and talked for about a half hour as that was all the time we had. He was going out I had to get back to my aunts to finish packing and leave for home. We said out goodbyes except this time he said I will come visit you very very soon!
I didn't believe him not for a second, but after a few weeks it was the end of October and that boy showed up off a plane in front of me at arrivals in the airport, my very best friend kept his promise. He stayed for a week, an amazing week where he met my amazing extended family Sam, Shawn, Emilio & Z. Feelings came out two nights before he was due to leave and go home, he kissed me for the very first time! I cant say it wasnt scary, common I was 7 months pregnant and trying to figure out how to raise a baby!! I was not thinking about a relationship, love anything as I had already been there and been hurt one too many times. I needed time to think so the next day was sad but just as we had always been friends. no pressure. Then he left to head back to Newfoundland, with unanswered questions and confusing feelings here we were having to make some very hard decisions.....
UC Baby Day*!!!
The day is finally here, I get to see my babys facial features, arms, legs, body. I get to watch him move around inside of me all thanks to UC Baby in Bedford and their 3 D Technology. I have three very important people attending this amazing moment! My mother & father, and my Aunt Sissy (Michelle).
As I enter the office, I am greeted by the receptionist who talks to me about the paperwork, the package and then further on gets me to choose the teddybear in which I would like to place my childs heartbeat. I will take a picture and post it for you all.
I go into the room and lay down on the very wide bed and get ready to have your normal cold gooey ewwy stuff on my belly while my family relaxed on the couch to watch, as I had many members of my family watching online as they had been sent a link to this wonderful day as well. Here we go she said ;
It was within the first 5 minutes I asked is it a boy or is it a girl.... we all waited in anticipation....
It is a boy, there right there is his weewee she said ahahaha.!!!!!!!!!!!
A boy a little beautiful handsome baby boy! omg omg omg was all that was going through my mind! I was right after all I knew it in my heart.
I got to see him moving around kicking and smiling, trying to go to sleep through the second half of it, I got to see his beautiful little nose and facial expression , right there he had my nose, he had MY nose, I seen for the very first time a part of me!!!! As we completed the session hearing his heartbeats and picking the 2 best pictures of them all for our take home that were not on cd and thanking the ladie we go back out into the waiting room waiting for the dvd and cd and teddybear to be prepared.
I am overwhelmed, shocked shaking and amazed , in absolute bliss!2 My baby boy ABEL. My baby boy!!!! his name is Abel! Abel Micheal.
As I enter the office, I am greeted by the receptionist who talks to me about the paperwork, the package and then further on gets me to choose the teddybear in which I would like to place my childs heartbeat. I will take a picture and post it for you all.
I go into the room and lay down on the very wide bed and get ready to have your normal cold gooey ewwy stuff on my belly while my family relaxed on the couch to watch, as I had many members of my family watching online as they had been sent a link to this wonderful day as well. Here we go she said ;
It was within the first 5 minutes I asked is it a boy or is it a girl.... we all waited in anticipation....
It is a boy, there right there is his weewee she said ahahaha.!!!!!!!!!!!
A boy a little beautiful handsome baby boy! omg omg omg was all that was going through my mind! I was right after all I knew it in my heart.
I got to see him moving around kicking and smiling, trying to go to sleep through the second half of it, I got to see his beautiful little nose and facial expression , right there he had my nose, he had MY nose, I seen for the very first time a part of me!!!! As we completed the session hearing his heartbeats and picking the 2 best pictures of them all for our take home that were not on cd and thanking the ladie we go back out into the waiting room waiting for the dvd and cd and teddybear to be prepared.
I am overwhelmed, shocked shaking and amazed , in absolute bliss!2 My baby boy ABEL. My baby boy!!!! his name is Abel! Abel Micheal.
*My little miracle...as the days went on
...I was scared , I was not with the father of the baby anymore and after speaking with him he was not ready to be a father nor did he want to be. I was more or less ok with that just angry inside that somebody could not want to be a part of a life that had been created.
Anyway, as the months went on I started seeing my new baby doctor Dr. Z, he took care of us, checked me every single 2 weeks and sometimes every week checked his heartbeat (I say his because i knew deep down I had a little boy growing inside of me) It was on July 26, 2011 that I finally heard his heartbeat being strong and proud, every week before hand it was weak and not looking good...thus all the checkups.
That was the most perfect sound I had ever heard, there was nothing more perfect then hearing a healthy little heartbeat (I tried to upload the recording but it isnt working) , My heart melted I cried and I finally felt like everything would be ok, after months of wondering and worrying.
I got taken off work and put on bedrest about a month before this joyous day of hearing my baby's little heartbeat so strong and perfect.
I then decided it was time to book UC BABY, we picked the package and booked it for AUGUST 09, 2011. I was ready to see my baby boy in all his glory, living inside of me.
I had an ultrasound with the hospital on the 8th of August 2011, so it worked out well to see what my baby would look like , I couldn't wait to find out the sex, at uc baby. I hadn't felt him kick or move up to this point so that was nerve wrecking but Dr.Z said that was ok, during the ultrasound at the hospital i asked the technician about it she said i'm sure it will be only a matter of days or weeks and i would be able to feel the baby!...I went home that day layed on the couch and had this excruciating uncomfortable pain.
The day I found out I was pregnant*
So just to introduce you into my life quickly before this very special day...
I had been living in Calgary AB for 2 years, I was working from home in Calgary for Sears Indoor clean air services in NS, my dad called me one day and asked me if I would be my mama's Valentines day gift from him and come home for a visit for 1 week..I of course said yes. (Me and my boyfriend at the time were going through hard times) I left and took the time I was home to think, and realized I was meant to be closer to my family they would get me through anything and everything, I went back to Calgary and packed my things and told him it was over too much stress and sadness and I just wasn't happy, it was better this way as he was always away and when he was home we fought and it was like he wasn't there at all. I moved to Nova Scotia back where my family was, for good.
I was at work after several weeks of being extremely tired and very hungry, I had seen my family physician who had run a test and told me I was not pregnant, so I dropped that idea right out of my head and knocked it down to just feeling sick, My father and mother at the time were getting concerned so mom took me early from work one day and brought me to the walk-in clinic. I was a little nervous as I hate needles, well within 10 minutes I was told "You are pregnant" the initial shock set in right away especially after being told no you are not. I went out to the waiting room and seen my mom she knew right away and smiled, after taking it in a little well as much as you can when you receive news of this kind we had to drop me back off to work and tell my father....
We sat my father down and explained well she is not sick, she is not feeling the greatest and needs to rest a bit more, he asked ok ok then whats happening, we informed him I was pregnant that he would be a grandpa. Dad just looked worried , I though he was disappointed at first as every little girl thinks their dads are when their dads realize they arnt little girls anymore, but instead he said well then we need to start resting and taking care of yourself and quit smoking!!!!!
Excitement finally hit all of us that evening after work, we realized we would have a new addition, but also a sadness hit me when I was finally alone , I was about to become a single mom....
I had been living in Calgary AB for 2 years, I was working from home in Calgary for Sears Indoor clean air services in NS, my dad called me one day and asked me if I would be my mama's Valentines day gift from him and come home for a visit for 1 week..I of course said yes. (Me and my boyfriend at the time were going through hard times) I left and took the time I was home to think, and realized I was meant to be closer to my family they would get me through anything and everything, I went back to Calgary and packed my things and told him it was over too much stress and sadness and I just wasn't happy, it was better this way as he was always away and when he was home we fought and it was like he wasn't there at all. I moved to Nova Scotia back where my family was, for good.
I was at work after several weeks of being extremely tired and very hungry, I had seen my family physician who had run a test and told me I was not pregnant, so I dropped that idea right out of my head and knocked it down to just feeling sick, My father and mother at the time were getting concerned so mom took me early from work one day and brought me to the walk-in clinic. I was a little nervous as I hate needles, well within 10 minutes I was told "You are pregnant" the initial shock set in right away especially after being told no you are not. I went out to the waiting room and seen my mom she knew right away and smiled, after taking it in a little well as much as you can when you receive news of this kind we had to drop me back off to work and tell my father....
We sat my father down and explained well she is not sick, she is not feeling the greatest and needs to rest a bit more, he asked ok ok then whats happening, we informed him I was pregnant that he would be a grandpa. Dad just looked worried , I though he was disappointed at first as every little girl thinks their dads are when their dads realize they arnt little girls anymore, but instead he said well then we need to start resting and taking care of yourself and quit smoking!!!!!
Excitement finally hit all of us that evening after work, we realized we would have a new addition, but also a sadness hit me when I was finally alone , I was about to become a single mom....
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